Dogs know.

cats and dogs are sometimes quite alike, the heartmiss has been gnawing in the night. Dogs dunno what a dog’s to do; nights ache, dreams erase, heart miss you.

Yeah, dogzknow. Humyns, on the other paw …

Ratatouille- we can really relate to this movie because dogs love food but are never allowed in the kitchen.

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs- got food in it.

Lady and the Tramp- food and dogz.

Adventure Time- it isn’t a movie, but this is how dogs see the world. Jake is the everydog.

Beginners- because dogzknow.

Well just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’ll be lonely. Also, I find some of the times I’m alone in my kennel after Duke has left my backyard to be really great, because I can think about all the fun that Duke and I had and all the things I’m going to get done while he’s gone. Like sift through the compost on my own, wee on the lemon tree without him sniffing it right after, get super good loving pats from my human and generally just reflect on how good a dogs life is. I’m pretty sure a human life can be just as good, so maybe you can do that too.

Have you even read my answers? Trust me, I’m a dog, and dogzknow.

Generally, dogs don’t care what humans do unless it affects them in some way. So only use dogsultation when it is necessary, otherwise you will bore and annoy a dog. So, for example, if you decided that a dog needed to go on a diet and you were only going to feed it 2 cups of dry food a day, this would be a good time for dogsultation. Most dogs like eating. Humans don’t understand that we love our dog bodies no matter what, so don’t deprive us of something we love because you’re not OK with our beautiful dog bodies. Anyway, don’t use dogsultation for anything other than food and walk related matters. Anything else we probably won’t notice/care about.

Humans call female dogs “bitches”. Humans are stupid because they also use this word to insult other humans. I don’t know how this word became an insult but I also think that now that it is an insult it should not be used in any context, including to describe female dogs. I also heard that just calling a human a “dog” is an insult. Humans are the worst. It’s a compliment, OK? Over and out, dogs.

I never tell boring stories. I’m a dog. But if a human was to tell me a boring story, I’d much prefer them to end it with “and then a bird shat on my head”, because that’s something I can relate too (when I was a puppy I used to lay underneath the shade of an orange tree in the backyard … until a bird shat on my head). I don’t care about finding money, finding money is boring unless it’s edible. Oh, and if you end it with “and then a bird shat on my head” we can all laugh about that and move on to a more exciting story.

You don’t. If dogzknow, then friendzshouldknow.

Ultimately it’s about persuading us that outside is a better place to pee than inside. This is difficult, as outside is usually cold and in full view of anydog who wants to watch you pee, while inside is warm and private. I would suggest having a separate room attached to your house, a pee room if you will, where a dog can pee in comfort whilst keeping the smell confined to a room separate from the house. It’s best to work around a dog’s needs in these cases. And most other cases as well.